Date Your Friends Like You Date Your Lover



by Alexandria Butler

“If I murdered someone, she is the person I’d call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor. She is my person.” - Cristina Yang, Grey's Anatomy

Unfortunately, Grey’s Anatomy is not real life though I wish it to be. As the creative mind of Shonda Rhimes frolics on our television screens each week, we recognize that these characters and story lines stem from very realistic emotions.  I learned this when Cristina said goodbye to Meredith in her last scene. Her departure is in my top 5 most emotional cable moments. (Just under the finale of Living Single and Cliff dancing Mrs. Huxtable offset on The Cosby Show finale). To have a real life friendship like Cristina and Meredith is what we should hope for. 

I never had lots of friends growing up.  I knew many people, had lists of contacts, but I was very guarded when it came to true friendships. When I met my first true friend in middle school, it was as if the stars aligned perfectly. My college years gave me access to a huge pool of strong women of color and we were all connected in so many ways.  But there was always that one college friend who became my person. We are still connected to the hip, in mind and spirit. 


It is very important for us to develop true friendships and have that “person” they can count on. Yet it is so hard to find genuineness because society has taught us to be competitors for jobs and lovers. There is nothing greater than a deep connection with other women who support, love, and challenge you to be better. But in order to receive this type of engagement, we must let the “stereotypical baggage” go.  Many celebrities like Taylor Swift are highlighting this same issue, and I hope that this is not just a trend but an actual lifestyle change. 

It is so hard to find genuineness because society has taught us to be competitors for jobs and lovers.

We’ve been taught to always search from our one great romantic love.  I wish we were also taught to search for “our person” because both are necessary to be whole and healthy. Remember to never take advantage of “your person” and treat with the same admiration as your romantic partner for they too give you something that you never want to live without. 

Updated June 2016

Alexandria Noel Butler, affectionately known as Lexi B, is St. Louis, Missouri raised and San Francisco Bay Area remixed. After graduating from Stanford University in 2011, she began working in the Silicon Valley.  While working, Lexi B developed a passion for the young professional experience and created the Grown Up Truth to discuss the twenty-something experience.  To receive daily updates about Lexi’s adventures, follow her on Twitter and Instagram.