Why You Should Be the Leading Lady of Your Life and Not the Best Friend

by Michelle McAllister

Last weekend while enjoying some much-needed mommy time, I watched one of my favorite movies The Holiday starring Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz. If you haven’t seen the movie, Kate Winslet plays the role of a single, compassionate woman who makes some pretty bad choices in her love life. When she befriends Arthur, an older, wise gentleman who sees her true potential, he gives her some words of wisdom regarding the role she plays in her own life:

Arthur: Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason, you are behaving like you are the best friend.

Iris: You’re so right. You’re supposed to be the leading lady of your own life, for god’s sake.

So, what does it mean to be the leading lady of your life instead of the best friend? Here are a few descriptors:

The Best Friend

The best friend never puts herself first. She is always putting others needs before her own and rarely says no. Often times, she allows people to take her for granted because she’s afraid of confrontation and standing up for herself. She neglects herself emotionally, physically and spiritually and feels undeserving. She chooses to settle in life because she doesn’t see her own value or self-worth. She underestimates her talents and abilities and is afraid to push beyond the boundaries of life to get what is rightfully hers.

The Leading Lady

The leading lady is a force to be reckoned with. She understands her value and place in this world. She loves herself unconditionally and those around her but she also isn’t afraid to put up boundaries when necessary. The leading lady is the superstar of her own life- the major player in her own world and she calls the shots. She isn’t concerned with the competition because in her mind- she competes only against herself. She realizes that she was already crowned a Queen before she ever arrived on this earth and she proudly pursues her goals with the expectation of God’s best all the time- every time.

So, which role do you most identify with- the leading lady or the best friend?

As for myself, I’m a work in progress and striving to be the leading lady of my life every day. My goal is for my actions to reflect those of a leading lady. It’s vitally important for me to demonstrate this  as I am now raising a

Leading Lady of my own, and I want her to learn from my actions, not my rhetoric.

The goal isn’t perfection- leading ladies make mistakes too. The goal is to constantly evaluate your life and ensure that you are making choices that honor you.

And while we all have sacrifices to make, they shouldn’t come at the expense of the love and compassion that we hold for ourselves.

Which role do you most identify with?

Updated June 2016


Michelle McAllister has over 14 years of experience in the pharmaceutical industry with expertise in sales, marketing, consulting and training and development.  She is the author of '22 Life Principles for the Ultimate Woman'