It is my belief that all women do struggle with their own insecurities. While some may deal with them differently and have moved on from them, others are still in the process of working through their own insecurities; for some women, they are still a burden.
I realized how insecure I was during my teenage years. Whenever I was by myself, I felt invincible, but the moment I stepped out into the world and mingled, I began to feel myself diminishing. I honestly don’t know how I became insecure, because my parents and family complimented me and told me how beautiful I was growing up, but in my head I felt they were family and had the right to say it to me.
INSECURITY - THE DEMON
I found every way possible to make myself small and convinced myself that this was okay to do. “I am not as pretty as she is”; “I should have been slimmer”; “my face and body should have been shaped differently”. I would find everything that was wrong and never acknowledged the beauty that God took time to create.
Insecurity was a demon I had to battle with for a long time and it began to spill over into other aspects of my life. Firstly, I decided that I would never venture into a relationship with a good man because I felt I wasn’t enough for him. Secondly, I would shy away from opportunities that were given to me and wallow in self-pity. My insecurities also affected me in my professional life, where I would constantly compare myself to others and would degrade who I was before anyone else had gotten the chance. This left me feeling empty and powerless.
Being a Christian has helped me in all walks of my life, and being insecure was one of the toughest battles I had to fight. I fasted and prayed day and night; listened to motivational speakers; read books, articles and magazines, and then, finally, I found someone who I could TRUST and relate to, who I then shared my struggles with. At first, it was painful to share my own struggles with her, but I realized that releasing my deepest insecurities helped me to overcome my own struggles.
Our confidence is killed the minute we start comparing ourselves to others and losing sight of who we really are as person. Here are five important tips/steps I will share with you that helped me to overcome my insecurities and fears:
1. Acknowledge the Problem
Do not be in denial about your insecurity; masking it only allows it to eat your soul and mind away. The more you hide it, the less you may realize that it is becoming visible. The sooner you acknowledge it the better.
2. Stop the Comparison
Comparison is the devil himself. When you start the comparison, insecurity begins to take a toll on the mind and wears you down. We begin to compare ourselves with our friends, strangers and women in the magazine, etc., etc. Stop this IMMEDIATELY. As my mother always said: there will always be someone else more beautiful, articulate and charismatic, but remember there will never be another you.
3. Find Help
After you have acknowledged the problem, find someone you can trust and really open up to. This may be your sister, a cousin, a friend or even a professional who is not necessarily close to you. If you really do not wish to disclose your issues with someone you know, no problem, but do find someone of integrity who you know wants the best for you.
4. Fight for Yourself
It is really good when you can find someone to stick up and fight for you, but what happens when the smoke clears and the person is gone? Lifting your own weight is one of the quickest ways to kick insecurity to the curb. Know that this is not what God wants for anybody, and begin to fight for you; fight for the woman you want to become.
5. Do What Makes You Happy
Lastly, my best advice to myself and to you is to do what makes you happy. This is one of the main things insecurity takes away – happiness. I was always moody and depressed. My first stop in the rebirth process was cutting my hair and changing my wardrobe and it worked. I started to exercise. I began to go out a little bit more (even if it was just to take a stroll in my immediate environment) and began writing creative pieces. Most importantly, I reconnected with God and I am loving every minute of this new me. Whatever makes you smile and gives you inner peace, “DO IT”.
What personal insecurities have you struggled with and how did you overcome it?